Untitled.

Slow deliberate writing. Explaining itself. Taking its time, apologetic.

I am disappointed. Good writing is rare.

A Picture of Dorian Gray is the funniest book I have read in the longest time. The kind of joy and silly realization that you cant hold in despite the self conscious embarrassment of looking like an “affected” person.

Good writing inspires good writing. The trick to writing well, is reading great. 

I fancy myself as Lord Henry. A good narrator will always make you feel like its your thoughts being voiced, you view established and published.

One   Another one of my loves has found a woman I believe. And though he probably doesn't know my name, I am heart broken.

wait. Regardless of what he knows or doesn't, what I know is painful. dramatically so.

Mimic

I realized some while back that I was completely incapable of hating people. Regardless.
Today, I realized the sad sad corollary...I can't love people.

Lukewarm, Lukewarm. I am too complacent.

Like a fanny fart. neither here nor there.

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Because I realized today that Ms. Sunshine is not the love of my life because:

Because there's so much water under the bridge that the bridge is floating on it...and at risk of going under

  Because i think i love him today but i may change my mind tomorrow

00:29 Because life is too complicated n my few friends are too precious to throw at the whim of love n its intricacies

  Because im super scared that he will b hung up on her n i cant have him preoccupied about someone else

00:30 Because he will always belong to a million people n never just to me

00:31 Because i dont do sharing well n im afraid to venture into the area of hpw much i may love him...or how little

00:32 Million n one reasons but the top most being that at this stage weve both fucked around n mucked up so much that 'simply us' wont be simple or us for him or for.me...

  There are too many ppl involved n i love all of them

19 minutes

00:52 N i like that i have such precious people in my life...people ive held.on to for so long that the thought of not having them is unfathomable n horrible as far as fathomable

00:53 N i like his woman

  Like...ive come to genuinely like her...n as an outsider i like their relationdhip n wouldn want to do them any harm

  Im stepping back :) n thats that


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and then i felt...so grownup. 

Thoughts in Abstraction

Like sitting in a room and watching a giant Dog curl, oblivious to you.

A Dog because of the familiarity and the homeyness they inspire.

A giant because it makes you feel so small. delicate. fragile. not entirely real.

Abstracted abstract thoughts.

Even with you, such a vast space of thoughts in between. A gap where your thoughts lie. in wait. I can never reach across this to you...

Are you there?