Monday, 9 June 2014

A little of Remembering and a lot of Forgetting

I try so hard to capture
everything I wish to forget,
     the feeling of your lips-closed and pressed-against mine
     the way your thumb traces circles inside my palm
     the little breath of a kiss in my hair under a hug
     the heavy weight of your head upon my chest.

I try so hard to remember
even as I'm already losing,
     the words of the arguments we've had
     the differences that seemed insurmountable
     the fact that you're stubborn enough to let my b'day pass unwished
     the hurtful things I have done to you and you have done to me

I'm becoming more and more uncertain,
of what I wish to remember and what I wish to forget,
Even as the passing time ensures 
A little of Remembering and a lot of Forgetting.

In my own words, I don't think it captures quite the essence of loss I feel constantly. To make myself remember again and again, that we are not together, haven't been for so long, that it is more 'reasonable' and 'sensible' that we be apart. To remind myself that this failure does not confirm that I have lost too much, nor that I am irreparably broken; only that I have failed here and now. Just this once.

Once again, more than my own words, Buddy Wakefield does justice to the emotions in these words