Be a Man

I keep waiting for a guy who has more balls than I do.- Salma Hayek

My sexual fantasy is to be a Man. You know, control the rhythm, be the one who is more shameless, more demanding. Perhaps it is just me. Im sure women can do all these things, but then, can they? Can they really?

When I pull my zipper up in public, is that what it is…my fantasy to be a man? When I don’t wax for months on end, is it cause I want to be a man? Even when I ‘accidentally’ leave the bathroom door open????

My fantasy in life…even apart from the sexual one….is to be a man. Sexy this does NOT sound. But I do so wish there were no two genders. But just the one.

I am jealous of men because:

1. They can run without fear of their boobs jiggling,
2. When their boobs do jiggle, its funny and not even slightly erotic…lesser staring ergo.
3. They can pee wherever they fancy…out of whichever vehicle even. (‘cept aircrafts.)
4. They can go about the world topless.
5. Fancy dressing means ‘ironed’ clothes.
6. Nighttime is ‘safe’ for them.
7. If they were to never clean up again, some or the other person will still talk to them. (Except for brushing, there are no double standards there. Amen.)
8. They will never not-have-sex because their periods made an early appearance. or a late one. or an appearance, at all.
9. They will never not-have-sex because…oh they’re not waxed! Even though it is the middle of December!
10. There is no shame in admitting they watch porn, since i-don’t-even-remember-when.
11. Oh because that bitchy lil receptionist at that oh so lovely law firm will fawn over you. Because you have balls.
12. They behave as if all the other men (except for very specific ones who are dating your ex, have stabbed you in the back, have actually stabbed you in the back etc) are their buddies, champs, or heroes. Or boss.
13. Because in an office they don’t give each other dirty looks like women do, and they’re generally nice to both-strange men and strange women (too nice?).
14. Oh yes. Their nipples do not react to the air conditioner in a room, the temperature outside or embarrassment, arousal and whatever-else-it-is…….in exactly the same way-by cocking up and drawing attention.

I asked my father how he would react if I were to get a sex change operation and become ‘one of them’. (This is after being told by THREE different people that I should’ve been a dude…and that I was for the most part-which I took as a compliment. so pathetic.)

Sir dint know what to say at first and tried the goofy smile (15. Can get away with most things using goofy smile.), when he saw I wasn’t kidding, or moving on to more acceptable conversation, or embarrassed by the question, he answered.

Sir said: I don’t know what goes on in your head and where you get your questions from. I don’t care if you do change your gender but it will make life very hard for you.

Well. I just wish you could see how much easier it would make my life. Though yea, my friends might have a hard time. And might abandon me.

16. They don’t have to prove they ‘got balls’, I think that might be why the ‘balls’ are actually external. It’s a proof thing.

17. Balls scratching. Im sure its fun. And well, women deserve it more coz we actually trim. Sometimes, a bit too fine.