sunshine, I hate you.

If I were to make a reeeeaaaalllllly long list of my favourite people, you still wouldn be on it.

Whats surprising is the people who would be. I thought I dint like you (not the same you as above) at all. But it seems you’re still on my list of fave folks. Not an uplifting sunny thought.

You know how theres this category of fine folks who’re jus plain nasty to the world but the world jus LOVES them. Yup! You’re one of those. You’ve been nasty, you’ve played around, you’ve fooled with best friends and girlfriends and groupies alike. You’ve not been there. You’ve discarded me like a pair of old shorts. You’ve never called back. You’ve led me to believe you’da call tonight but you never did. And YET. The world loves you. I do too. The world knows what a nasty lil cock sucker you been…and it still loves you. Because every once in a while you say things like “I wish you would jus hit me.” “do you hate me now?” etc etc which makes people want to like you. Understand you. Its cz u let people think that being an asshole is as painful to you as much as it is to them. HAH. Fat load you know. Its not as painful to you as it is to me. You broke my heart. You made me cry. I wish I did not like you.

Time.

Original Post dates back to July, 2011.

Batman Begins-The Animated Series has an episode titled The Clock King, which inspires one to think of how man has timed his life. Cut every little thing into hours and minutes and seconds….

How long would you like the eulogy to last? How many hours does a mass take? How long before I can expect a call from you? Can we speak for 10 more minutes?

Not everything is about these little segmentations…sure they help, but should life be as ‘scheduled’ as that? I mean…how many minutes can you spare to smile at someone you see? A second’s consideration for what you say and how it may hurt or help someone….jus a lil bit more time.

I have a lot of time on my hands. Nothing to do and nothing to account for my days. I have no need for a clock or a time device.

But I follow it through out my day. 15 minutes faster than standard time so I don’t miss anything. What could I possibly miss? I have nothing to account for.

I am.

This is my Soul. My 'I' in this world, my soul called up to the surface. You do not know me, except through this little link and there is no way you could judge me much by the punctuation or the word usage. I can only be truly free on a virtual location, a false plane. Irony. There was no irony in Heaven.



And all I can think of are the many things that have made me who I am, and of Grasshopper and The Unbearable Lightness of Being and the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. That is who I am.My thoughts, my soul called up to the deck.

Maybe someday I'll find my Wim, my Silver. Maybe someday I'll find my Sabina, my Ford Prefect. Someday. Hope. The essence of Heaven in man.



There is no passion, to be or to do anything more than just 'BE' right now; to listen to this random song and write these absolutely random and uninspiring thoughts.



The ingenuity of an absolute fool. :)

Where everything is a derivative of something else and nothing is essentially true to its form or perspective, and is subjective in essence to another perception, memory or such.

WEIRD THINGS.

I was trying to fill out the Amarchand Mangaldas Questionnaire for internship, and the questions they have asked are deeply personal. I am at an absolute loss for things to write :(

the question right now:
Describe any non-academic situation where you have had to defend your point of view. what was the outcome?

Now the only replies I can think are all falling beyond the far side of 'strange'.
Here are a few:

"Recently, my sister introduced my parents to her boyfriend of long and told them of her wishes to marry him. My parents, being slightly conservative, refused to acknowledge her relationship and said that they would find her a groom as per their requirements. They reached an impasse where they decided not to speak to each other. I supported my sister’s view because she had known the boy for very long and they were very well compatible. I convinced my mother, and after endless arguments she finally agreed to ‘consider’ the boy for marriage."

"One of my friends decided that they wanted to try 'everything' in life. Being of a slightly 'violent' bent of mind, he decided to start with killing of little animals. I spent days and evenings arguing with him about all the things PETA stands for. Also, we had a lengthy discourse on whether or not the capital punishment (as state commissioned murder) should be abolished or allowed. Ultimately, i convinced him and he did not kill any animals."

"Being in a Law college makes people very judgmental and critical of other people. every little flaw is magnified and strunized. one of my friends was so judged and condemned socially. I realised then how hard it was to live and compete with the same set of persons, because that naturally causes tension. I complained to the Vice Chancellor and managed to change the rule regarding hostels and sought that the students be allowed to live off campus. The outcome? The rules in my college are so very different now." yea, right.

well, this is pointless.

Horrible, Hopeless College; law degree and everything related to everything here.

Out f my HEAD. NOW.

“what should I do? What do you think? What do you say?” Make your own fucking decisions. Stop taking ‘advice’ as the end all…your call, independent decision making, etc etc

Im so tired of being blamed for your decisions because you’re too much of a cunt to think things through and make your own FUCKING decisions.

Im tired of feeling miserable because you’re such a stupid miserable fool. I hate you so much right now, acting like a baby and insulting me like a bitch. Believing that the addendum ‘no offence’ justifies anything and everything you say as you insult, rape, destroy me.

Im sick of your hang dog face. I wish I could kick it.

Im sick of being a friend to you, despite the fact that you did this to me, and did not tell me and let me find out from other people. I cannot hold this gun to my head, wishing someone would kill me now. I am truly, completely, perfectly, absolutely, without questions or qualifications, DONE with your bullshit.

His life is under the gun, he's got to hold every day.

Kill me now, kill me now, kill me now, kill me now.

Because there is a Sun

I jus watched Wake Up Sid, finally. And i found it funny beyond belief!! The co-relation to real life is stupefyingly fascinating. I know that couple. I know them. HAH.

The boy who whines and weeps, and in a shrill, girly voice shouts at the girl for repeatedly calling him a kid. Jus like a kid. T & L have been that way, they are that way. However, i doubt T & L would last, or end up together. I hope they dont. I dont want them to. I dont care if they do, but i wish they dont...so i can have my best friend back. so I can stop trolling for 'replacement best friends'. Selfish, superbly. But then no man has been otherwise, and I cannot claim to be even if someone has been. I want my best friend back.

However, If they do end up together, i will be just fine. I am brave enough to confess that I may be lying to myself, but i really think i can survive, be jus fine, live on and dream on. Let it be.

There is a sun, and my day will shine. I will wait for them to break up, or mutually move away, and then slip back in...into both their lives :) Selfish, superbly.

If Only

If only a star would shine tonight,
If only one would fall.
If only a tiny sliver of light,
A wish to undo it all.

If only we could go back
If only we could rewind.
"If only"s just seem to stack,
against the corners of my mind.

If only I could find some peace,
If only relief from doubt.
If only a false sense of ease
An escape, another way out.